Enough with the Very Important, Very Unique Thoughts already!

By Jessica Albon

I’ve been browsing blogs for about an hour now, procrastinating on a project, and there’s something we need to talk about. There are certain writers in who use italicized Special Named Phrases very well. Unfortunately, it looks like the style is catching on and resulting in… The Curse of Self-Aggrandizing Douchery.

Here’s the thing: naming stuff is usually senseless. Yes, on the one hand, it neatly delineates Those Who Read Your Stuff from Those Who Don’t. And yes, there’s a lot of talk right now about how having a common vocabulary can help make your people feel like part of your inner circle. And yes, there are many marketers who talk about how important it is to segment your audience into an “In Group” and an “Out Group” so that people will be willing to pay you just so they don’t feel left out.

Yes, naming stuff occasionally is smart. Having a set of metaphors that communicate what you do makes it easier for you and your clients to talk about what you’re doing together. It even makes writing articles in your newsletter clearer because you have a short hand for those topics that come up a lot. But, when it crosses over from something you weigh carefully before doing (and spend some time searching for just the right way to capture the concept) and becomes something you go out of your way to do, that’s when it gets iffy.

(And when it crosses from something you go out of your way to do into something you trademark, that’s when it gets slimy–just in case you were wondering.)

I’m well aware that there are entire coaching/branding systems that sell at very high price points that advocate naming everything. This approach to communication does three things very well:

1. It limits your tribe to people who have been around the longest and sets up a hierarchy among them–the longer they’ve been reading you, the “better” they are because they can quote all of your special Unique and Special Thoughts.
2. It makes new people feel itchy and more likely to leave than stay. If you charge really high price points, this may be sustainable. If you actually need new customers from time to time, though, it’s not.
3. It allows you to charge very high prices (sometimes) to a handful of people. The theory being that once you name something (and trademark it) no one else can offer that same something and therefore your services just became unique. Of course, what this overlooks is that people are smart and they know that just because you’ve trademarked the name Email Newsletter doesn’t mean they have to hire you to create an email newsletter–they’ll just have to call it something else.

Now, like I already said, it’s not that you can never ever name things. You just need to be careful with it, and you need to know that even when you’re being really careful, you’re still running the risk of looking like a creep for using Italicized Capitalized Names for Things that Don’t Really Need Names.

1. When you’re an Edith. Ediths get a pass for reasons we might discuss someday, but not today.
2. When it actually does need a name. This happens a lot less often than you think–so, before naming something ask whether you’re trying to make yourself look Super Cool by naming something or if giving it a name actually communicates more clearly than not giving it a name.
3. When you need to alienate lots of people quickly. Believe it or not, there are times when this makes sense–if you have a gigantic newsletter list and have finally realized that bigger ain’t always better, you can start naming any and all concepts–the people who only read occasionally will unsubscribe because they don’t “get it” and the people who read every issue will stick around because they do. (Of course, the easier way to do this is to just clean your damn list…)
4. When you really are a douche and people might as well know from the get-go. Make sure you also add the TM after each Italicized Capitalized Name for Things that Don’t Really Need Names.
5. When you’re embracing your inner drama queen for effect.

I know it’s tempting to want to name and claim everything–it’s fun and it seems like a really useful way to set up a velvet rope, but the truth is, it’s really hard to pull off, and it makes your writing less likely to communicate clearly (especially with new people). You’re running a business, not a secret society. You don’t need passwords and secret handshakes, you need criteria for screening people once they express interest in hiring you.

So, how about we give the Extraneous and Nonsensical Capitalized Italicized Names a rest and keep the focus on communicating clearly both with our already-existing Tribe and the people who are new to us. Agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.